Zen Wisdom for Your Everyday Life

An End To Sorrow

Brenda Shoshanna, Phd Season 1 Episode 16
We all wish to be happy and plan our lives around it. Inevitably, however, happy times come and go. How is it possible to end sorrow and experience unflinching happiness? Our first reaction is to fight disturbing moments, but this episode offers a completely new way of experiencing sorrow so that it transforms into a deeper life.

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Speaker 1:

Good morning, good morning. So happy to be here with you this morning. What a gift. What a gift is the morning, what a gift you are. What a gift, these great simple teachings. Simplicity is what we all are looking for, but we don't really realize it. Instead we look for complications and all kinds of excitement. But the simplicity in these teachings bring such deep happiness.

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Anyway, let me get started. This is Brenda Shoshanna, with our next episode of Zen wisdom for your everyday life. You can find this on Zenwisdom today.com. So the episode for today is something that I hope will be very, very relevant for everybody. Actually, these are eternal, universal, endless time teachings. And the title for today is an End to Sorrow.

Speaker 1:

Now that might seem crazy and presumptuous. What do you mean an end to sorrow? How is that even possible? You know, in one of the teachings, called the Heart Sutra and Sutra is another word for a teaching by the Buddha. Or by one of the living Buddhas. There are many Buddhas the original Buddha, and on and on. Of course the word Buddha means awake and awakened one. Or one who is open. I liked that a little better because it's easy to begin to develop all kinds of ideals and notions and fantasies. The Awakened One sounds so grand. So certainly we all have moments of awakening, moments of confusion, moments of sleepiness. That's a whole different discussion. And we'll get into it another time. I want to stay with this beautiful topic today, an end to sorrow. So in one of the teachings, the Buddha said, this is the end to all suffering. This practice brings the end to all suffering. And then he added an interesting comment. This is the truth and not a lie. I was always extremely struck by that statement because it seemed kind of preposterous. But naturally we look for the truth. We want promises that can be fulfilled, not empty promises that will just lead us further into more disappointment. So many promises do that, you know, go here, taste this, buy that. Maybe the promises are fulfilled briefly, but then the effect disappears. So this teaching promises that it is the truth and not a lie. Let's explore this. What can this mean? Is it possible to experience an end to suffering or an end to sorrow? That's a huge question because most of us can't even imagine that this is possible. But to understand more deeply, we have to look at what are the true causes of sorrow and suffering. And that's what we'll try to begin to do a little bit today. And in fact, that is what all of the Zen teachings really are aimed at and that they all do. Explore it all from a different vantage point.

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So to begin, of course, naturally, we all wish to be happy. Naturally nothing is wrong with that. It's natural. In fact, we plan our whole lives around it. How am I going to live a happy life and how will my family be happy and my friends and those I love and maybe even those I don't love? We choose our friends, our vocations or activities or homes or everything the community we live with also so that it will make us happy. That's the goal. We also do wish of course for the happiness of others and and naturally this is all good. Nothing wrong with this at all because being happy inspires us and allows us to fully live our very, very precious lives.

Speaker 1:

Inevitably, however, happy moments come, happy days, calm, happy months, come and then they go. This is inevitable. Then they come again. Then they go again. Despite all our efforts the so called happiness we've found slips through our fingers, time and again. Loss, disappointment, failure, disturbance, they all arise and must arise in the course of our lives.

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However, we never stop to wonder why? Perhaps that's because we have slightly distorted idea of what happiness really is. Anyway, our first reaction is to fight disturbing moments. We want to change them. We want to protect ourselves from them as best we can. Of course, no one wants to face difficult times, or the loss of that which they hold dear, whether it be a person, a home, a job, a physical condition.. We don't want that, and yet conditions change and despite our best efforts, moments of all kinds appear and disappear. We can be incredibly happy at one moment and at another moment, we're drenched in sorrow. So this promise that we have here, of an end to sorrow is worth exploring for sure.

Speaker 1:

As I said a little earlier, this teaching asks us to look more deeply into the very nature of sorrow and suffering. Suffering includes struggle, resistance, anger, shame, outrage, offense. I'm outraged, I'm offended, I'm hurt, I'm upset. And when we suffer, we usually blame whatever it is that we think is causing our suffering for the sorrow. Something else is causing it. Certain conditions, like maybe the loss of a loved one cannot be altered, no matter how much we try. Then how can we end suffering, how is it possible? Of course, this is a deep koan, which as I have said in other episodes, is an inscrutable question of Zen that we live with and sit with and practice with. Then we answer it in a brand new way. So when we work with this question of how it is possible to end suffering, the first step that we see is that we are being urged to receive sorrow or suffering in a completely different way. Rather than hate it, hide from it, blame it or try to change it, we simply allow our sorrow and the conditions that seem to cause it to be. In a sense when we're sitting, when we're doing zazen, we are in a process of deep allowing. We allow the breath to be the breath we allow whatever arises, to arise and whatever leaves to leave. We accept all deeply and do not run away. Instead, we feel it fully and we stop resisting what is given to us in any way at all. Then a strange thing happens. Rather than suffer from our sorrow, the sorrow itself transforms into something else by itself all by itself. It's not up to us. It's a natural inevitable activity. We find suddenly that were filled with a deeper knowing this about life, maybe a greater understanding of the nature of happiness, of real love, of compassion. And, as we continually practice this, a strength arises that we truly never knew we had. We never knew it. Where does it come from? What is it? Who knows?

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We also begin to discover that it is not the sorrow that has been so painful, but our resistance to it. That's a very important statement, very, very. It's our resistance to what is happening that is causing the upset. It's our insistence that life bring only happy moments, moments of pleasure and contentment. There's an unconscious demand that life make us happy, make us feel pleasure, feel full when we're hungry and rested when we're tired. We want that. We expect that. We demand that, and yet that is not the way things always go,

Speaker 1:

But we learn to welcome everything, the disappointments, the pain, the upset, as we just welcome it and be with it. This is not passive, by the way. Many people say, oh, you're passive. You're just giving him. No, no, no. Actually, it's one of the strongest actions you can take, and as we take it, we discover a much deeper contentment will arise. Now that this is not to say we don't do something when it's actually needed, but when we're in this condition, our actions are appropriate to the moment. They're effective and they're not arising out of hurt, anger, rage or despair. They come from a different source and they have a different effect. I'll talk all about that in another podcast, but right now we're focusing on fully each moment that is presented, not fighting it off, blaming it or hating what is happening."Taste and see that life is good." That's another teaching in another tradition. Taste and see that life is good. Even the sorrow is good. Be with it. Taste it. Don't push it away. Don't pretend it's not happening. When you pretend it's not happening, you're pretending you're life isn't happening. You're living a false pretentious, or pretend life and that is never satisfying. It can't be. So, actually to be with each moment is the end of sorrow and it is the truth and not a lie. It's the end of sorrow as we know it. This is just very simple. This teaching actually has immense power and it has the power to totally transform your life. You can even watch sorrow, turn into happiness. But it's a deeper happiness, a happiness of a brand new kind.

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So, I like to give a little exercise at the end of each episode so you can take these words which are now just ideas, and actualize them and make them real in your life. So let's do a little exercise. I would ask you to take a moment and look at something you are suffering with that is causing sorrow or pain of any kind. And then also look at what you're doing to handle the situation? Are you trying to change it? Are you staying busy? Are you focusing on something else? Are you blaming yourself for this situation? Or are you blaming someone else? Just notice, notice, notice there's nothing wrong with doing that. It's normal. We do it, but it's also useful to try something else. So for now, just completely accept the situation for a moment and accept anything you might be feeling about it as well. Let go of resisting. Sorrow is like a wave that arrives, let it come. Let it subside and melt into the sand. These are just waves, waves coming and subsiding. Now take a moment to look at the situation again. Has it changed? Have your feelings about it changed. Do this as many times as you would like. Try the incredible simplicity of just being with the flow of these waves, not swimming against the current today. Just allow the flow of your life., Within that flow, hidden inside, tremendous unflinching happiness waits.

Speaker 1:

That is it for today. I enjoy so much the opportunity to share with you. It's wonderful and I also love hearing from you. Please keep sending your comments and emails to topspeaker@yahoo.com. I would love that. I also want to let you know that on September fifth, Wednesday night, we're going to have an introductory workshop from 6:30 to 8:30 at the Jewish institute for Applied Science. 109 East 39th, St. It's going to be really about the still small voice within. It will be a connection, a combination between the principles and practices, Zen and of Judaism. to present a living, healing, unifying practice that reaches all and brings light and love into everyone's life.

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You're very welcome to join us. If you would like to register or let me know you're coming. Just send me an email at topspeaker@yahoo.com. No one will be turned away. And I look forward to seeing you next week and to continuing our wonderful exploration together of the principles and practice of Zen and how we can turn it into zen wisdom for your everyday life. Thank you. This is Brenda Shoshana and go to Zen wisdom today.com. Thank you.